My first suicidal feelings began in my teens. By the time I was 52, I’d already tried to end my life three times. I’d been on medication for about 27 years – high to maximum doses of antidepressants, sleeping tablets, tranquillisers, and at a later stage, beta blockers. I’d been using alcohol to self-medicate since my early 20s.
After my third suicide attempt, I was sectioned. When I was discharged from hospital, I felt completely devoid of hope. My life circumstances felt unbearable. Doctors seemed to have run out of options in terms of new drugs to prescribe for me. Therapists hadn’t been able to make any significant difference to my mental health.
I clearly remember my first telephone call from Focus-4-1, after I’d been referred to them. I felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in ages. Through my relationship with my Intentional Peer Support Practitioner, I slowly began to find a way to manage my mental health and to want to live again. Within about 2 years of becoming a Focus-4-1 member, I was off all medication, and had been discharged from the mental health care system.
My Intentional Peer Support Practitioner gave me the support that I needed, when I needed it. The one-size-fits-all approach of practitioners within the traditional mental health care system, had not worked for me at all. My Intentional Peer Support Practitioner didn’t talk at me from a textbook or patronise me. She didn’t disempower me, by making me feel that there was something wrong with me, or that she was there to fix me.
During our sessions, she truly listened to and heard me. Together we found ways for me to move forward.
Now that I had one key person in my life, who knew what I was going through and had genuine compassion, who was there for me consistently, providing the continuity of care that I’d always needed, but had never yet received, I began to find the strength to start making changes in my life that would have a positive impact on my mental wellbeing. She regularly reminded me to be kind and gentle to myself, and to pace myself.
She advocated for me. She helped me to fight battles that I was too exhausted to fight on my own. For example, I once called my doctors surgery to book an appointment. I told the receptionist that I was feeling suicidal and that I’d run out of medication. I was told that there were no available appointments, but that I could put my name on the waiting list, and go in and wait. I called my Intentional Peer Support Practitioner, feeling too distressed to know what to do. She called my doctors surgery. Within about 5 minutes, one of the doctors called me, prescribed the medication that I was out of, and made sure that it got delivered to me that day.
The holistic approach of Focus-4-1 is one of the reasons that it works so well. I remember struggling financially, and finding going food shopping difficult during lockdown. This had a detrimental effect on my mental health. Everything just felt like a burden that I couldn’t carry anymore. At that point, my Intentional Peer Support Practitioner arranged food bank deliveries, to help tide me through a period of serious mental illness. I can honestly say that Focus-4-1 provided the first help for my mental wellbeing that has ever made a significant, lasting difference.
Since anyone who provides support within Focus-4-1, has experienced their own mental health challenges, they understand what you’re going through. They don’t judge you or treat you as broken. They walk with you through your dark moments, showing up with empathy, compassion and ongoing encouragement.
Through the support of Focus-4-1, I went from feeling suicidal almost daily, to being well enough to train as a Intentional Peer Support Practitioner. I even began running some mindfulness sessions for Focus-4-1 members. So not only are Focus-4-1 helping people to get well, they are also empowering people to help other members to get well.
When I first met my Intentional Peer Support Practitioner, I could never have imagined feeling so empowered, so free from the prison of my mind. Since she looked beyond the state of mental health that I was in at that point, and held a vision of who I could become, if I was given the support that I needed, she was able to gently and skillfully guide me, and help me to find a way forward.
Group meetings with Focus-4-1 members feel like family gatherings. We have an inclusive, non-judgemental, safe space to be ourselves and to speak freely about our challenges, to provide mutual support and encouragement for each other. During meetings, we get support with various aspects of our lives that we find challenging.
Planned group activities during our meetings are chosen by members. There is not a small group of people “in charge” deciding what is best for everyone else. Focus-4-1 is user-led. We decide together what would uplift our physical, mental and emotional health – creative writing sessions, zumba classes, music for wellbeing, mindfulness, gardening and so forth.
We enjoy a meal and a laugh together.
Sometimes I may arrive at group meetings feeling anxious or depressed. But by the time I leave, I almost always feel better, and not so alone anymore. This sense of community, of belonging, is vital for recovery from mental illness. Unfortunately, it is not something that traditional mental health care services can provide, which is why organisations such as Focus-4-1 are so important and necessary for those living with mental illness.
Being part of the Focus-4-1 community has been much better and more effective for me than any medication ever prescribed by doctors. Stopping all medication, except for the occasional, temporary use of beta blockers or tranquillisers, during times of crisis (such as the recent death of my father), has had such a positive impact on my mental health. I no longer have to deal with the side effects of those drugs, which included causing / increasing suicidal feelings.
Being part of Focus-4-1 not only helped to save my life, it also dramatically improved my quality of life, through empowering me to make positive changes which had previously felt impossible, without the support of Focus-4-1.
If there were more organisations like this, it would go a long way towards easing the current mental health crisis.. Focus-4-1 is about people with similar struggles and challenges coming together, being able to talk openly in a safe space, and supporting each other to find ways to overcome those challenges together.
Anonymous